


A Lunatic's Blue Sky

by BadassCompany



Series: The Things We Did (But Never Spoke Of) [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bees, Bottom Dean, Canon Compliant, Crazy Castiel, Emotional Sex, Gay Sex, Love, M/M, Mental Illness, Optimism, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Sad, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top!Cas, bottom!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 01:26:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9049627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadassCompany/pseuds/BadassCompany
Summary: I showed up on his car, naked and covered in bees.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Merry, merry Christmas everybody! This is my favorite story in the series, so I hope you guys enjoy it!

I showed up on his car, naked and covered in bees. 

He'd prayed to me. _Hey, Cas. I don't know if you've got your ears on... Or, if... Anyway. I'm in a field in the middle of Iowa, just off of Junction 33, about 3 miles from a potato farm. I, uh, wanted to -_

"-see you," he stumbled awkwardly, peeking out from under his eyelids in entirely the wrong direction. I think it was the buzzing of the bees which alerted him to my presence, because he whipped around and saw me. I sat still on the hood of his car. His jaw dropped. 

"Hello, Dean," I said, and an inexplicable surge of happiness flooded through me at that simple phrase. That after everything, I was permitted to say it. That he had called me. 

His pleasure at seeing me was not quite so pure. He asked, gawking, "What - why are you naked?" He waved a hand when a bee flew up to his face. "And why the fuck are there bees?" 

I missed the earnest tone of his prayer. It had been preferable to this irritable questioning. I rolled my eyes, and could not help but remember the last time I had been undressed on the hood of the Impala. I shrugged. "I was in South America. They have the most amazing flowers there, and the bees come to them, and I watch the bees. They're fascinating. Almost like angels, with a hive mind and little individuality, but they don't fight. They just pollinate flowers." I smiled up at him, because I thought that was beautiful. It gave me hope for myself, sometimes. 

He ran a hand over his face. He looked... Aggravated. I wondered if he had been lying when he said he wanted to see me. He certainly didn't seem very happy now I was here. He stood stiffly before asking, "And why are you naked?" 

I hummed a little while I thought about it. "It was warm. The sunshine was exquisite. And Dean, everything smelled like flowers," I beamed. I wondered idly if I smelled like flowers, too. 

"Right," he said, and he looked so defeated that I frowned. 

"Dean?" I said his name like it was a magic word that could bring him back to me. (Little did I know I was the one who was lost.) 

"Think you could, ah, poof the flower brigade away?" He asked, gesturing with one hand. 

It took me a moment to realize that he meant the bees. "You're right. I should return them to their homes." I snapped my fingers, bidding them a silent farewell. When they were gone, the field seemed emptier, and the distance between Dean and I was now stark, obvious. 

He sat down on the Impala gingerly, watching me like I was a wild animal. 

I looked around the field. There was a wooden structure in the corner, its purpose unrecognizable due to its age. By the tall grass which sprung up everywhere, I guessed that no one had maintained this field for twenty years or so. The grass stood nearly five feet tall, yellow at the tips with sunlight. "The sun is pleasant, Dean. Maybe you'd be more comfortable without your clothes." 

He coughed. "I -" He stared at me, the look in his eyes at first infuriated before melting into something sad. "Damnit, Cas." 

"You've been undressed with me before. I don't see how this would be so different." I frowned, inhaling the smell of hay and dust. 

He made a funny little noise, then. It was after about five minutes of silence that I realized it had been a stifled sob. 

"You said you wanted to see me. Why?" I asked innocently. 

"Guess I just wanted to see if any of your marbles were left," he said bitterly. 

"...And?" I wasn't entirely sure what he was talking about. Had I once had marbles? Had I lost them? _Marbles – colorful, round pieces of glass._ They did look entertaining. Perhaps I should acquire some. 

"And you like walking around naked with swarms of bees," he said, as if that explained everything. 

"Yes." I answered. After a while, I observed, "You don't look happy." 

He darted another glance at me. "You don't even know how far gone you are." He started laughing. "It's my fault. If I'd just stopped you before all this started. But then," and tears started welling up in his eyes even as he shook with laughter, "It's your fault, too. You're the one that opened Purgatory, cracked the wall in my brother's head and sucked up all the crazy." I looked away, and wished he would stop talking. "And I can't even _blame_ you for all of it, because you're too busy being a motherfucking flower child and showing up on my car naked. Guess that leaves me to blame, huh." 

Silent tears were streaming down his face, and I reached out and took one of his hands in both of mine. "Dean, don't." 

He shook his head. 

I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, the world seemed clearer somehow. "I found grace in this pain, Dean," I said softly. "You think I'm..." 

"Broken," he ever-so-helpfully supplied, and I saw his face twist when he said it. 

"Broken," I repeated. The word should have hurt. It just seemed like another fact of life. _Tulips open in the morning and close at night. Castiel is broken._ "And perhaps I am. But I see beautiful things, Dean. Everywhere. Such gorgeous marvels. Birds flying, and insects working away, and flowers quietly opening. Harmony. I could watch it for centuries. I suppose I will, if I don't die first... You're beautiful too, you know. I could stare at you for... I don't know," I mused, cataloging the freckles on the side of his jaw, shining under a thin layer of sweat from the heat. "I've never put it to the test - how long I could look at you. I think every time I look at you, I try… but I always have to look away." His throat rippled as he swallowed, a hard look of understanding coming over his face. "Anyway. Everything I see, it makes me glad I dragged myself out of that river. I was naked, then, too." I laughed. 

"So what you're saying is that the world is just a lunatic's blue sky, huh?" 

I smiled. "I suppose so, yes." I looked up at the sky - clouds were gathering over the horizon, leaving the rest of the sky dark blue. The sun was setting through the clouds, turning them the faintest shade of red. "Can I kiss you?" I asked then. 

His green eyes flashed with shock as he turned to me. It was the first time he had properly let himself look at me since I showed up. He seemed almost to be looking for changes, since he had last seen me unclothed. He swallowed again, and I drank the sight in. His gaze on me felt heavy, the uncertainty crackling in the air. 

"Cas, you're not yourself," he said in a hoarse voice. I opened my mouth to object, but he held a finger to my lips. "We can't - I can't - it'd be..." 

I desperately didn't want him to say 'wrong'. So I asked a different question instead. "Do I smell like flowers?" 

He blinked, once, and then leaned in and gently sniffed my neck. I heard his voice crack as he said, "Yeah, Cas. You smell like flowers." 

I nodded, skin prickling with how _close_ he was to me. My exposed member twitched at the feel of his breath on my neck, and I heard his breath hitch in response. Blood flooded into my cock because oh, I _remembered_ that sound, and I wanted to hear it again, and again. "I don't understand," I confessed. 

"I'd be taking advantage of you," he said, and I could hear the burn of shame in his voice, but he didn't pull away. 

I realized belatedly his hand was still in mine, and I stroked it. "Do you like how the flowers smell, Dean?" 

"I... Yeah, I guess so." he answered slowly. 

"I like how your hand feels in mine," I said contemplatively, before I raised it to my lips and kissed it, just once. "What's so different about this exchange of pleasure than the one I asked you for?" 

My cock was hard and standing to attention between my legs, but I tried to keep my breathing even. I wanted to understand. I really, truly, did. Why did humans connect something as beautiful as what Dean and I had done to each other with the idea of immorality? 

"Cas," he said, and it sounded like a plea. 

I let my eyelids flutter shut, drinking in the feeling of his hot breath on the bare skin of my neck. This would be the last time I would feel it, I thought sadly. I wouldn't kiss him, not if he didn't want me to. "It's all right, Dean," I said. "But I'd like it if you just explained-" The feeling of Dean's soft, warm lips on my skin silenced me. I let out a quiet moan, y _es, please, yes._  

He turned my jaw towards him with a finger under my chin. "OK," he said softly, as if to himself, "OK." 

And then I did kiss him, and the swell of his lips, the taste of his tongue, it was glory. 

We kissed for what felt like hours, the glide of my tongue between his lips mesmerizing me. I mapped out every inch of his mouth. I wanted to remember the simple _feeling_ of these kisses, wanted to make him forget the warzone in his mind. 

He didn't even freeze when I unbuttoned the top button of his shirt with steady, slow fingers. He let his head hang back, exposing his neck to me. I kissed every inch of him. His nails dug into my back, and he ground against me when I had stripped him down to his black boxers. I smiled at the wave of pleasure that coursed through me - yes, such simple, beautiful pleasure. I saw from the expression in his eyes that he was giving into it. Ignoring his ideas of being broken, because if I was, surely we both were. Letting go. 

And it seemed only natural that I should say then, caressing his hipbone with my thumb, "I want to be inside you." 

The flash of shock I had expected to see didn't come. He stared at me, steadily. I waited for him to speak, running my fingers teasingly under the waistband of his boxers, mouthing at his erection through the dampened fabric. 

"Yes," he finally said, voice ragged. 

With that one word, I pulled him down off the hood of the car and down into the grass where I knelt. I laid him on the ground and dragged his boxers off, licking my lips as his red, throbbing cock was revealed. It curved gracefully up to his stomach. I ignored it for the moment and spread his legs wider. He submitted to me, but all the while ran his hands along my skin, into my hair, on the curves of my shoulder muscles. I had some knowledge of what I was meant to do, but beyond that, my actions were inspired solely by his silent encouragements to me, the way his hips shuddered or a flash in his eyes. 

I licked a stripe along his pink entrance, fascinated by the way his eyes rolled back in his head at the sensation. I circled my tongue around the hole, wetting it thoroughly before poking my tongue inside. He groaned above me. He sounded almost...surprised. I sucked on my finger for a moment before breaching his entrance slowly. His muscles clenched up, but I stayed perfectly still. My own arousal was clouding my mind, desperate to be touched, but I would not hurt him. I wiggled the finger, adding my tongue back to soothe the hurt. 

His dick oozed precum above where I was working, and in a sudden flash of inspiration, I gathered it on a finger before thrusting that finger inside him, too. "Shit, Cas," he said in a broken voice, staring down at where I was scissoring two fingers inside of him. 

They slipped a little deeper as his muscle ring loosened imperceptibly, and his head fell back as he let out a loud moan. "Fuck, Cas, I... Deeper," he pleaded, and I obliged him happily. I felt my fingers brush against a spot that felt different to the rest of him, and more precum dribbled from the head of his cock. I looked up to see that his face was frozen in silent arousal. I massaged the spot mercilessly, adding a third finger as he started to rock back onto my fingers. My own dick was throbbing, but I watched intently as I opened him, hungrily observing his pleasure. 

I don't know what it was that prompted me to say it. Perhaps my sanity had been the last barrier to the words, or maybe it was the smell of flowers mixing with the scent of sweat. "I love you, you know." 

His eyes went wide. And then, the most wonderful thing happened. He started to smile. It was a beautiful smile, his lips swollen from our kissing and his eyes crinkling around the edges. "I do now," he said, and I grinned back at him. 

I glanced down at my fingers, nearly forgotten in my confession. I pulled them out, and spat onto my palm. Dean licked his lips. Finally, finally, I touched myself, slicking my cock up with spit. I couldn't help a small moan escaping my lips, and Dean sat up suddenly, wrapping his arms and legs around me and pulling me squarely down on top of him. "Yes," he said again, his voice husky with lust. 

I grabbed one of his hands in mine, and as the sun set, our bodies aligned in the long grass. I pushed inside him. He gasped as the head of my cock slipped inside, and I kept thrusting into his hot tightness until I bottomed out. I let out a breathless moan. "Dean," I whispered, perfectly still in the core of his being. 

I started to move, thrusting in and out of him in smooth, deep slides. We were lost in pleasure, forgetting everything but the here and the now. "Beautiful, Dean," I said quietly. He groaned, and I knew I had found that secret spot inside him again. I thrust into him harder, gasping at the hot bliss that graced my being. He held onto me tightly, panting into the curve of my neck. 

I kissed his collarbone, treasuring every moment inside him even as the demand for release grew. I looked down at him, and just for a moment, our eyes met, and then he was crying out as I slammed into him, dick spurting semen between us, his hole fluttering around my thick cock. I moaned, and thrust into him even harder. His body shuddered, his cock twitching with the last moments of his release. I felt heat coiling in my stomach, and then I was coming, my hot release spattering the insides of him, ecstasy shooting through me in blinding flashes. 

I collapsed on top of him, and absentmindedly licked his cum off his chest and stomach. He watched me, and ran a hand through my hair. A single bee buzzed by our heads, and he laughed weakly. "You know... You know this doesn't change anything." 

"I know." I said. Wrongs had still been committed, I was still not entirely what I had been before. "But for one sunset, it did." I smiled contentedly up him. "Like flowers that only bloom once."

He closed his eyes, and I knew that he would hold me a little longer, but that he would be gone before midnight. That was all right. I would lay here all night, before following that single bee to its home. I wanted to see the sunrise, to see if tomorrow, the sky would be blue.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always welcome. Love you guys!


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